Paige's Page

I really have no desire to update this thing, but I thought I should. I have a little bit o' time on my hands. This has been a most interesting summer. Definately the most active one. Phil and I have done something every weekend. We've done lots of camping. Last week we hiked into this remote lake called Andy. It was about a 2 hour hike down Mount Lolo, that was at a very good pace. Jogging through much of it. We ended up getting, not really lost, but we missed the path into Andy many times. We ended up sleeping under the stars in the middle of some clearing. It was about 9:15 at night when we gave up looking, couldn't see much and we weren't too crazy on encountering any bears. We ended up hiking another 4 hours before we stumbled onto the lake. We backtracked so many times, took some interesting ways through the dense forest, came accross the most amazing wild rasberry bushes, which made the whole journey not seem so bad. It was a sureal weekend. Our own personal lake. Not a single human being for miles. Because we hiked in, we took in only the very necessities, a couple of sleeping bags, some oatmeal, trail mix, a pot.. we boiled water to drink. It was a completly different world. We hiked back Sunday. It took us about 3 hours, pretty much all up the mountain. We plan to go back and start building a cabin. It may have to wait until September. My weekends are book until the 2nd week. This Friday I leave for my 10 year highschool reunion. I know so lame, but it's really important to me. After grad I just left and never went back. I really look forward to seeing some of these guys. I can't imagine anyone in my class going to this thing, but I guess I'll find out soon. I was a little disapointed today, my employee was suposed to start today and was going to work Friday and Monday for me so that I wasn't going to have to drive the 10 hours there and the 10 hour back in 2.5 days, but she didn't show up. I called her, turned out a friend of hers died and she wasn't going to be back until next week. Thankfully Phil will manage everything while I'm away. I will be getting back Monday and will leave again to go to Edmonton on Friday for my sisters wedding on the 26th. After that Phil and I will drive to the island and kayak the Johnson strait. I've shut the daycare down for the whole week. I'm in so much need of a break, however, I'm not sure a full week of kayaking the ocean is going to be super restful. After our last kayak adventure, I'm a little hesitant as to how I will fare, but I can't imagine how incredible it'll be. The Johnson strait is supposed to be one of the best kayaking places in the world. I am super excited, and other than gas, ferry and my kayak rental it shouldn't be too costly. We'll take a tent and just set up camp where ever it looks good. Distilling sea water will be very interesting..

Saturday morning..didn't quite make it to the lake

big trees

hiking into lake andy..one of the wrong turns

our bed. I tried to dig out underneath a bit more, my goal was to make a stand-up little home, hit some rock though

our camp

our own private lake

Phil built this kayak. Pretty crazy hey? It's amazing. We've been kayaking all weekend. His friend Ian Brooks came down and we rented one for him and myself and made sure we got our rental money out of it. Friday night we kayaked down the river and back, we left at 9 pm and got back around 11. it was a nice ride for our first time out. It's so beautiful at night being on the water. Saturday we went to Paul lake and put in around 4 hours going around the lake. Sunday night we kayaked to this little island called rabbit island on the river and then left the next morning around 7 am and headed to Kamloops lake. Going down was nice, we just rode the river, took it very easy we made it in like 1.5 - 2 hours. Heading back UP the river was a whole different story. Oh my gosh. I thought I was going to die. We didn't get back until after 4:30 pm. I was exhausted. It was fun though and beautiful. A bear swam accross the river right in front of us. He was cute, just a cub, but oh can they swim.

	The Kayak that Phil Built
	The Kayak that Phil Built on Paul lake		The Kayak that Phil built.. and me

oh funny, I just re-read some of my past updates. I wrote in Sept that I should be licensed in only a few more weeks!!! wow, talk about being a little off!!!!

Hot water tank blew up this morning. The new one doesn't look any different than the old one. I'm not sure what I had expected, I just figured you spend 800 plus dollars on an item 20 years newer than the last it should have some sort of rocket jets coming out of it or at least painted a different colour.

We may be postponing our Europe trip. It was initially my idea, but now I think I want to change my mind. One moment a year seemed like nothing but now it seems like we'll be putting off our whole life. My older sister will be having a baby and also getting married this year and it would greatly sadden me to miss that. As well, Phil's sister Janessa is also graduating this year and it's an absolutely HUGE thing for her. I will also have a very new business and there is a fair amount of uncertainty surrounding whether or not it's feasible to continue with it under a manager. I do think I figured out all the details, I'm unsure as to whether licensing will allow it though. I was informed they may want to inspect every 3 months, so being covert about it may not be an option. My licensing issues are a whole other subject. I had my first inspection on Thursday, and unfortunately my deck which at it's highest height reaches the formidable (and deathly-dangerous) 30" does need a rail to protect my precious little ones from plunging to their death. I had suspected that but was hoping my licensing officer would not notice it. She did leave me quite puzzled with her comment saying that at 2 feet she would not have had a problem, but 4 feet definitely needs a fence. So I either misunderstood her or she is measurmently challenged. If it was the latter, I'd be a little upset as I probably could have negotiated my self out of a rail.

I learned a few new things this past licensing visit. The most surprising of them is that the children's belongings MUST NOT TOUCH. I had installed a coat hook for their coats (a similar system that I had initiated at my past two licensed facilities) and apparently it's inadequate because the hooks are too close and their belongings may tough therefore increasing the chance of spreading communicable diseases. The same goes for dress-up clothes. If I choose to include that sort of play in my environment, the dress-up articles must be hung up on a hanger not touching. So, so long to Mr Dress-ups tickle trunk.

I'm almost there. Phil has almost finished building me my deck railing and the licensing officer will be back this Thursday to hopefully hand me a piece of paper that says I'm licensed. It's been a way too long of a road to get here. yeesh.

Well happy new year everyone. Mine has definately had an uneventful start, but that's ok. Christmas was wonderful. We spent it with the inlaws. Phil so so surprised me. He usually never shops for me until Christmas Eve, but this year I came home from working at Sun Peaks, mid Dec. and under my so very beautifully decorated tree with all my wrapped christmas gifts matching accordingly- I know, so lame, but it looked very wonderful.- were two rather large packages wrapped in the ugliest wrapping paper ever with huge tags on them with my name printed boldly on the front. I was convinced that he had purchased all my presents at Wallmart, (I just happened to see the bags crumpled up in the corner and therefore assumed away )which wouldn't have been the first-and I had decided he had gotten me a pair of boxing gloves as he had in the past threatened. After he told me he spent quite a bit I concluded the other gift had to be some sort of jewelry just wrapped in a large box. I couldn't think of anything else that would cost that much at walmart other than furniture. Christmas morning arrived and I am now the proud and loving owner of a brand new snow board, boots and bindings. weeeeeee!

and again I refuse sleep...for the moment. It's not like I won't make up for it in the morning. I have conclusive evidence that if I don't have a reason (with consequence) to not rise, I will surly not rise. This weekend and today has proven that. I soften my conscience with thoughts that "it's Christmas, I should just enjoy this moment, bask in this moment, eat all the left over cheesecake and all the leftover chips and all the left over trifle and all the left over...." I'm sure you're all aware of where I was going with that, I’ll restrain myself before I truly disgust all you faithful readers of mine. I am forever putting off for tomorrow what I should be doing today. A wise Dr. Hodges often a time would say "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." shall I just say it's getting awfully warm in here... ( click to read more. )

I did not make it to bed fast enough, basement suite guy is home, main disturbance in nose honking. all though he has managed to run into probably every wall and I am beginning to smell the beginning of oil being heated. Radio as of yet has not been unleashed but that is just a matter of time. I'm sure once all his nasal caveties have been cleared he'll be able to focus on an intrigguing radio show.
...k no joke this guy has been blowing his nose for at least 15 min. now. That is something no one should have to listen to. k Im off to attempt to sleep.

I should really be sleeping right now. I hate starting off Monday wrong. Now I'll skip the gym 'cause I'm too tired, be not as nice as I could to the kids I babysit, especially when the little 3.5 year old boy poohs his pants for the 3rd time for the day. Chris (little poopy boy) actually hasn't been at my house for probbaly 3 weeks. So I'm not sure how it'll go. His gramma would take him for days and weeks at a time and return him to me totally regressed in everything we had worked on. The pooping issue was driving me crazy. So much so that I've had two distinct poop dreams. They both really stand out to me so I'm not sure if there's actually more to them. One of them was that I was babysitting Chris and I go check on him while he's on the 'potty' and he not only defecated his pants but he had poop everywhere, he had smeared it all over my walls, and he just sat looking at me with a sinister mocking smile...very disturbing. my other poop dream was very much different, it was just a side incident, the main story line of my dream was that I was hanging out with Tim Sawatsky and some other people I hadn't seen for ever, was feeling terribly bad because I was out having fun and Phil was at home sleeping, I decide I'd finally better go home (I think we were at Dennys for coffee) and I find out our truck was stolen, I was extremely scared. Laying on the ground was my brown jacket, so the thiefs must have chucked it out. I put my coat on, put my hands in my pocket, feel something squishy and realize that someone had pooped in my coat pocket. The dream ended with our truck not being covered under our insurance. So if anyone has any ideas on what my concience may be trying to say to me through these poopy dreams, please feel free to share.

On another note, I'm having a christmas party on Friday. I'm quite curious as to how that will turn out. One of the guys is going to hike the churches projector and hook up an xbox to it so the boys will hopefully have fun. My husband still says he's not coming. So you're all invited. it's at 7ish. I'm gonna go chocolate crazy, do a huge chocolate buffet...so the girls will hopefully have fun as well.


Well I should probably go to sleep now before my basement suite guy gets home, starts banging walls, slamming doors, frying onions, blaring CBC radio and preventing me from a peaceful sleep. I actually have a lot more to share but it'll have to wait for another day. bye.

I had a pampered chef party last night. I think it turned out all right. My biggest fear was that no one would come. I had I think 8-10 guests. phew. no ones ordered anything yet though. I have some catologue orders coming in. This is something I normally would never do. I abhor going to these kind of parties. Actually no, that's too strong, I'm just not crazy about going to these parties, I usually always go and I usually enjoy myself so I guess they're no that bad at all. The story is.... After my week stint at almost selling filterqueen vaccumes, I myself was sold that they were absolutely the answer to all my lifes problems and any other cleaning system is slowly killing me. A new filterqueen vaccuum is $3000. (they were throwing in the Defender air filter for free, for a limited time only of course). A used one is still considerably out of my budget. My sil Miranda knew of my burning desire to have one and one day when she had a burning desire to have me babysit her kids for her, the topic of my vacuume plight came up again. She had mentioned that her friend Tammie has her moms old filterqueen that she doesn't use anymore. So I told Miranda that I would babysit for her if she secured me an in on the filterqueen. She immediatly called Tammie to ask if she would sell it to me, and Tammie in turned said she would give it to me if I threw a Pampered Chef party (she's a consultant). And there you have it folks, why I threw a Pampered Chef party. It was fun though, I've always wanted an excuse to have larger amounts of people over. I enjoy entertaining and I love showing off my house now that the kitchen is almost nearer to completion. I love my home, almost as much as my filterqueen vaccume. Want to know an even crazier thing though? I don't have any carpet!! It's all hardwood and ceramic tile. But I vacuume my couches every day now. weee.. I have totally gone stepford wife..minus the legs, boobs and hair..

My house is all decorated for christmas. I kind of went obsessive compulsive with it. Christmas cheer is on steriods here. It really is pretty. I have a white pine tree which I'm crossing my fingers will live until christams. Everything is decorated in creams and off whites. I got my inspiration from the wedding isle at Michaels. It just went out of control from there. For my wedding -five years ago today- my boquet was just a whole buch of red berry garlands with candles, so I have tonnes of red berry garland, but because my theme was white, I actually spray painted them..I told you I am out of control, I also tea-died some ribbon I bought because it was too white.. I wanted it creamy.. So yes this is the product of what happens when you give Paige tonnes of time stuck at home, a husband gone for 10 hours of the day working and too many credit cards..

I suppose an update is well over due. Very little has happened lately. Grace has come close again. It's so refreshing. Scripture is alive again. I'm humbled. The words of Jesus are so powerful. So untamed. Our culture and society has watered them down so much. Our Lord expects and deserves all that we have. How many times had Jesus spoke "oh foolish generation, stubborn generation, of little faith generation, wicked..." gosh.. it peirces my heart. I feel so undone. Those are harsh words, and most often spoken to his disciples in times of their unbelief. My heart is just filled right now. I love our God, all I have is his. I long for that oneness that he prayed for us. That we would be one just like he and the Father are one. that where ever I go, the power and grace of Jesus is completely overflowing bringing healing and salvation to those around me.

On a competely different note. daycare process is inching along. a bit of a waiting game still. I'm waiting on my charactor references to get in. My mom was one of them and I guess my sister picked up the mail and had the package for well over a week. then after that they will come, inspect my house and hopefully won't mind my never-in-use pond and consider it as being sufficiently child proof. I don't even use my yard, I'm right next to one of the best kid parks in the city and play there each day. So if they are unhappy with my yard, I have another 2 weeks of either putting up an ugly five foot fence (which I had and took down last year) or filling out more paperwork and filing for an exemption. The kids I care for are so cute. and with that I leave you.

My sister emailed me this. It was an ebay add for the selling of leather pants. Oh so Funny.


You are bidding on a mistake.

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants. ( click to read more. )

I give up, another entry misteriously gone while being writ. And it was such a good one as well.

I'm bored. It was just recently that I stumbled upon that little fact. I'm at home all day every day. I babysit 2 kids who sometimes don't show up and if they do, stay only from around 8-3 and sleep from 12:30-2:30. I make a feeble - trust me very feeble - attempt at going to the gym, make it back home to prepare a rather interesting meal for myself and husband (I say interesting because grocery shopping usually involves a little more inspiration than what I currently carry) and then wait for sleep to take me away to where another day awaits to be wasted by moi. This is exactly what I had feared would happen working at home. I have all the time in the world to do little extra things like learn to speak another language, memorize the bible, learn to play guitar, write a book, read a book, become Gods best friend, pray for my enemies, pray period, bake cookies for the homeless, learn to cook, learn to fix my motor bike, learn to drive my motorbike, plant some bulbs, fix my fountain, salvage my remaining grapes and make wine or even just juice, mill my own flour, bake my own bread, clean the church, finish the houses, learn to sew properly, call my dad, visit phil's grandparents, draw a picture, learn to paint, write an old friend, fix my hair, ahh... and my list goes on and on and these are things that don't cost a dime. I really have no excuse for the little I am doing with my life. I am completely and utterly lazy. I have been blessed with what the whole world longs for -time-and I sit squandering it reading newspaper flyers, googling barbapoppas - I am a little downhearted that there is no site for them, part of my childhood was shaped through that cartoon - and watching downloaded episodes of Simpsons and Lost. Well that's my update. I feel a little rejuvinated and inspired. I need to just shake this week off of me and move on. It really has only been this past week that sucked and it's just because I haven't been feeling well. My goal is to get all the licensing things tied up and then add to my plate. I really want to start using my sewing machine and exeriment with cooking.

They're making a smurf comeback movie. They also supposedly added a few new smurfs including another smurfette. crazy. hmm... not much else to write. I was feeling a little down today. I am such a suck when I'm not feeling well. I get stuck in a whole doomed attitude and panick over everything that I'm doing as being totally wasted time, effort.. must-take-control-of-thoughts. or go to bed and hopefully wake up a little better. hmmm.. My mom's comin to visit next week. Phil's happy. He quit his job last week and they offered him a 4 dollar/hour raise. So he's gonna stick it out for a little longer. Im still in the process of licensing my home. waiting waiting waiting. I'm a little scared of getting to that next step. I've got such a good routine with just the two so far. I was supposed to have two more start last Tues. but for some odd reason she didn't show and hasn't returned my call. Until I get licensed, legally I'm only allowed to care for 2 other children or one sibling group, but the mom really wanted to stick her children with me so she was going to throw them in this one daycare until I was ready and the rip them out and start them in mine. I really wasn't trying to make that sound so dramatic. Well, I'm gonna go, make Phil a lunch, maybe have another try and minesweeper and off to bed where hopefully I'll sleep soundly waking with happiness and sweetness dripping all over me.

From The Globe and Mail, Sept. 29, 2005 editon. In the Social studies section reads:

Names and Trouble

"There was something utterly compelling about the revelation this week that [British] teachers can predict from a child's first name just how ghastly he is likely to turn out in the classroom," writes Melanie McDonagh in The Independent on Sunday, "On the Times Educational Supplement Internet site, one teacher wrote, 'I went through my new class list and mentally circled the ones I thought would be most difficult. I reckon I have a 75 per cent hit rate.' In the lengthy discussion that followed, it turned out that the names that 'inspired the most dread' included anything with a hyphen (Bobby-Jo), weirdly spelled varients of commen names (Hollee and Kloe) and chave [underclass] favourites Chantelle, Britney, Courtney, Kylie, Chase, Tyler, Wayne('a terror') and, worst of all, Paige," the newspaper said.

hi everybody. I actually updated a couple of days ago and I lost it all. things are going real good. I have two of the cutest little kids in my daycare. They're an native brother and sister. The little girl is 21 months and the boy will be 4 in Jan. They are so good. I put an add in the paper and I've had so many people desperate for daycare. I can only take 2 until I'm licensed. Hopefully everything will be done in 3 weeks. Usually we're at the park at this time but Rainwater(the little girtl) is always so tired around 9-9:30 that I had to put her down. the mom only naps her in the afternoon and I thought she was too old for 2 naps, but she was melting and fell asleep as soon as I put her down. I totally know nothing about children anymore. My cousin told me it's like riding a bike... and lots is coming back. I'm calling Miranda lots tho. I can't believe how perfect everything is going. I thank God so much for that. I've ran from this call for years. I've always told myself I didn't like kids. It never fit with who I thiought I was, or who I wanted to be. I'm just so filled with pride. I actually said in Highschool about this girl who was going to become an early childhood educator that the only reason anyone goes into that field is because they're not smart enough to get a real degree!!!! Harsh hey. Who wants me to look after they're precious kiddies??!! hehe. I don't really believe that anymore. Well, I better get going. Chris is being such a good kid.

One of my cousins got married Labour day long weekend in Veteran my home town. So I was able to go home and see my family. OH MY GOSH...it was quite an experience. I'll leave you with one story... My dad.. is a bit of a different charactor. I actually do love him. I've been able to (by the grace of God) forgive him for deeply hurting myself, my mom and the rest of my family. He's a biker (I have a plether of fringed belly shirts with Harley eagles on them and leather fringed purses that were brought back as gifts from his sturgis bike runs and pig roasts when I was a child). Labour Day weekend is a big party weekend for all his biker buddies at their club house called "the shack". Mom didn't think I'd expect to see much of him while I was down. *sighs of relief* (I said I loved him, not I like being near him). I was all packed up, jumping in the car to drive home. The weekend was great. Saw lots of old friends and families...just not my dad which was more than okay by myself. the phone rang.
"PAIGY GIRL!!" Picture loud booming slurred voice. Oh ya it's 1:00 in the afternoon.
"Oh hey dad."
"PAIGY GIRL" Now you'll have to try and picture a lot of snickering here. I don't know how to explain it correctly. My dad snickers-kinda snorts when he thinks he's funny and apparently he thinkds he's always funny. "WHEN YOU COMMIN TO SEE YOUR OLD MAN?!!"
"I-don't-know-dad,-I'm-just-about-to-leave-and-I'm-not-going-out-to-the-shack." Now what I said I had to say very loud-dad is a little deaf, and very slow -dad is a little slow.
"WHAT!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SHACK. I WAS THERE ALL WEEKEND. GOOD TIMES!! GOOD OL BOYS!!!...." He booms.
"You took me a few too many times as a kid and I'm not about to relive them" I probably spoke that a little to fast because there was a long pause probably filled with confusion."
"I'M NOT AT THE SHACK. IM AT CLAYTONS. THE BOYCHILD's. *snicker *snicker." then I think he told a story about a time where I caught more fish than my brother at Jack's lake and all did was just sit there and read and clayton tried so hard and caught nothing. He was so mad at me. It was a cute story.
And so my plan was rerouted to see my dad who was at my brothers house. I walk in the house and I'm met with an overpowering stench of pot and cigerettes being smoked..(Thank God it wasn't cigars. My dad up until this last year would chain smoke cigars. He would have like 3-4 going in different ashtrays around the house. I think he'd forget that he had one lit, light another one, put it down for a moment, walk somewhere, forget he had one lit, and light another one)... Clayton is sleeping and his poor girlfriend was left to entertain my drunk and stoned dad and his girlfriend..oh my dad has a girlfriend and i just met her. We talked a little. I'm almost at the close of my story. He asked me if I wanted to see some gold. Of course I said no. A little lesson if anyone by chance meets my dad. You never want to see anything he has to offer. He keeps persisting saying he panned it while he was in montanna. I kept insisting that I'm not interested. Lesley-Clayton's girlfriend is saying, no you don't want to see it. it's gross.. she actually told me what it was but for the sake of the story I'm going to wait until the end. Dad's girlfriend filled my moms roll perfectly by saying "oh just see it..it won't hurt you.." I won't go into detail how infuriating that comment made me comming from the crazy strange woman. So I go towards dad. He has it around his neck on a chain. An oblong object maybe an inch long. There were a few specks of gold and all of a sudden you begin to notice that what you 're looking at is my dads severed middle finger which he got cut off at work this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep that's my daddy. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day. Bon Appetite.

The long awaited update is here. Wow. I don't even know where to begin. I quit my job. It's been about 3 weeks now. Still havn't got my final pay check. They were trying to keep it because I still owed around 28 dollars from my till being short. Supposedly they threw it in the mail on Friday...hmmm. I'm in the process of filing a complaint for my holiday pay, previous cash shortages I've paid as well as overtime that is owed to me. I feel like its wrong to be doing it. That I'm not taking the higher road but that's why there are labour laws right? I know I have every right to do this, I just hate confrontation. Caarrliiee..... come fight for meeeee!!! Our mortgage is up for renewel. We were able to pull out tonnes of equity from it and our monthly payments are less than what they were before because our interest rate dropped in half. Man I love it when things like that happen. We are now able to pay down our reno dept. The timing was crucial. I've been juggling eveerything around on promotional low-interest credit cards at around 4% interest. Our visa one just expired so before I was paying around 40 bucks a month in intrest and it suddenly flew up to over 200!! Yikes. It could have gotten pretty ugly.

Sorry, can't imagin anyone interested in my financial Russian Roulette. All I've got to say is "don't try it at home". So onto new topic. I am opening up a daycare. Joel, now living his ever so exciting life on the other end of Canada, has left a bedroom about the size of a lets say a kids playroom. I've been struggling years with where kids and daycare fit into my life. I've never been certified to teach children, daycare jobs just kept coming to me. It's all Debbie Siebs fault..and a little bit of Alexandra's. I had my home licensed for childcare a few years ago when Phil and I had just gotten married. I shut it down mostly due to nerveous system failure. The Janitorial business Phil bought played a role its demise as well. "shudder"

So I should be gettin some kids soon. I put an add in the paper. I should be licensed in a week or two and then parents will be referred to me. I'm getting really tired. So I think I'm going to go now. I'm so sorry for not keeping things updated. I'm too tired to respond to every one as well. So sorry bout that too. Karen, that is so cool that you found me. I cant wait to hear what your up to. And joel, you are very muched missed. It's so very quiet around here now. I'm not sure why, but I keep thinking I shopuld be wakened up with a loud buzzing and pacing footfalls outside my door. hmmm.. not sure where that one came from...

Hey Holly. No I'm not mad about the phone bill. A little surprised at how much it was, but not mad. Our whole money situation is very stressful right now and actually everythings been quite stressful lately and I simply hate people right now because I'm around a billion of them everyday and I have to smile and be happy and express nothing but sheer joy when I hear that their 2 year old just peed on my floor and they say sorry about that and leave me a dollar tip to clean it up... That really happened!!! No joke!! I totally don't know what's happened to me lately. I really have a sucky attitude and am feeling exhausted and sick all the time. Everyone keeps asking if I'm pregnant. I only wish I am so then I have an excuse as for why I've become such a swear word. Sorry I havn't called you lately. I actually thought that I did not too long ago and left a message, but I may have just thought that I did. And honestly, talking on the phone is one of my least favorite things to do. It doesn't matter who it is I'm talking to. I just have a hard time talking on the phone. It's always been that even as a kid. I much rather talk in person. I have a hard time believing that you think that I could ever hate you, especially over your stated reason, I love you too and think about you all the time. I'm just very very tired. i'll try calling you tomorrow. Very curious as to whats going on in your life and what's happend and all. Miss you tonnes. Hope things are ok. Love Paige

This was just an email I sent to my cousin. I just posted it because I didn't want to put the effort into updating and I figured this said it all. Oh and its 3:30 in the morning and I'm wide awake unable to sleep.

ok i got that all figured out. I'm not sure what all you out there were seeing when coming to see me, but my journal wasn't updating and wouldn't allow me to update. I just needed to press the shift button and the refresh at the same time. I think it's all good now.

So I'm still sticking with my job. I really do need to adjust my attitude if I stay. I have this dumb loyality there and it's all because I'm so easily manipulated. I suppose I can thank my father for that. I'm going to wait until we finish getting through refinancing our house and then I'll see where I go. I'll give my 2 weeks, which is going to only make it very hard on me due to my easily manipulative behavior. I'm sure my boss will have me strung along for years and it will only be through pregnancy, serious illness or death that will get me out of the place. I'm doomed DOOMED i say. As soon as I get more energy I've thought of checking out other places and slowly work my self out of a job at Scott's. It'd be alot easier if the peole they hired stayed for more than 2 shifts. I have this forever-foreboding feeling of "what if everything just gets worst and it's all just me. What if I won't be happy anywhere?". I also really need to stop being afraid of confrontation and confront my boss about the over time hours he's not paying and tell him that I will not pay any cash shortages. ahhhh, I have such strong pricipals when it comes to doing business up front and "over the table" As an employer if I expect my workers to be honest and value their job and relationship with me, I need to to be honest and not steal from them. Al, my boss, is so suspicious of everyone working for him, to the point that he locks the napkins in a seperate storage room so there are only ever enough for the restaurant and no one can steal them. I feel sheepish writing this knowing that just an entry or two ago I confessed to my hot fingers being a little too free with the creamers and having a few of them quite possibly following me home to my tea. My concience has made me reform a few of my behaviors and no more cream for me outside of the workplace. I believe a big reason employees will steal is because they feel that they're being ripped off at thier job and that it's their way of evening out the bottem line.

So enough of my rant. my eyes are all blurry and my face numb from being in front of this screen for so long. I spent all night getting the books done and started on taxes. And previous to this I spent 2 too many hours on the phone with revenue Canada trying to figure out how to properly record the selling of our business. ahhh it's such a headache. I'm so close to getting an accountant. so close.